Ashok

A perception is formed mainly based on what we see, hear and feel and the meaning we attach to what has been seen, heard and felt. The meaning we attach depends on our previous experiences and our own patterns, which we have learnt in life, which again has an adequate rate of error, because of some of our poor sensory abilities. The openness to learn from anyone and flexibility in one's thinking are some of the most essential skills to understand what has happened rather than making one's own conclusions.

Switching Perceptions

Let me now introduce you to a model, which is very widely popular in NLP, for understanding others’
priorities in order to evolve balanced decisions. This is achieved by changing the state of mind by switching into different points of view, which may be very useful in negotiations as well.

The basic model has three positions:

1. I / 1st Person
2. You / 2nd Person
3. Others / 3rd Person

1st Person's position:

This is the state to experience one's own view of what is happening. You are the focus and what you see, what you hear and what you feel are experienced in full. What is important to you, what you need out of the current situation is thought about and your preferred outcomes of the situation are thought about consciously. Your emotions are experienced. You become more aware of what you are in this position. The more you take care of your priorities in the current situation, the more beneficial and long term will be your commitment to the decision made.

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2nd Person's position:

This is the state to understand what goes on in the other person's mind and to find out why the other person reacts the way he or she does. If you are able to switch to the other person's shoes completely, it is more probable that you are too close to hear what the other person hears, to see what the other person sees and to feel what the other person feels. It will help you to understand what is important to the other person in that situation and what is the preferred outcome of the second person in that situation. The more you take care of the priorities of the second person in the decision making, the more participation, commitment and support, you can expect from the second person. Being in the 1st person's shoes and thinking what the other person would think may not really help. If you switch completely to the 2nd person's shoes and think the way he thinks and ascertain the positive beliefs and positive intentions behind the way he acts and experience the emotions that he undergoes, only then, is it likely that you have mastered the art of thinking.

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3rd Person's position:

This is the position of analysis and learning. This is to perceive the current situation as a third person, totally detached from it. Just imagine how you see an argument between the shopkeeper and the purchaser, when you are passing by a shop. In the same way, this position is to be experienced. The idea of thinking from this position is to analyse both the priorities of both the people concerned and learn what is important for both the positions and find out if there is a choice, which will take care of both the parties involved, towards a balanced decision. The beauty of the 3rd person's position is that you will be able to detach yourself and deal with the situation without the emotions attached to the other states.

When you change your state from one position to another, it is important to break state so that you can clear all the residual emotions and other thoughts related to the previous state. To break state you may think of anything else, like recollecting what you had for breakfast, your next appointment, etc.. to disconnect yourself from the present state of mind. Then move on to the next position.

In my experience, this exercise brings out very important feedbacks when we switch into different states and helps us to understand how things could be very differently perceived in a different state and how decisions can contradict each other when the state differs. The more points of view one explores the more balanced and acceptable decision evolves. The lesser the points of view are the narrower and more imbalanced decision results.

When one undergoes the perceptual changes the understanding of the concept will be very effective.

I find this model of "switching states" a wonderful tool in an organisaion's tool kit, not only to handle and understand difficult people and difficult situations, but also to help them understand the organizational needs, and thereby to evolve clear balanced decisions, without forcing the same.

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